Newest Additions To The Helmet Canon.

Sorry to everyone who has been waiting for a new Heathcliff, For Why? post. You see, I’ve been very busy being lazy. I’d tweet about the new comics or post on Facebook but I’ve been neglecting the 8 people who read this. No more!

When we last left off in Heathcliff helmet land, we’d learned about the “HEY” helmet. Since then, we’ve learned about two more helmets. 

omega 3 helmet

 

The omega-3 helmet. Is weird because Heathcliff doesn’t eat the fish. We’ve established that he just trolls the shit out of them on the regular.

Next up, we have the PEAS helmet.

peas helmetWhy does this helmet exist? Heathcliff doesn’t even like veggies. Is he just planning to attack the people who are visiting because he hates peas? Is he going to steal their peas? What’s your game plan here, Heathcliff? 

Whatever. Welcome to the Helmet Canon. 

 

 

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Get Your Own Damn Dinner.

Heathcliff loves to eat. In fact, he loves ham so much that he somehow acquired Team Ham gear. Heathcliff is savvy enough to steal food and to hoist a flag proclaiming his (bullshit) love of cake yet, somehow, he can’t open the fridge to get food in his own house.

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Heathcliff is a jerk. Also, why do Grandma and Grandpa even bother feeding Heathcliff regular cat food. He hates it and he keeps making it known.

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I assume they’ve already stolen and eaten dinner during one of their father/son crime sprees.

Also, you have Heathcliff and Pops living on your house, you really shouldn’t leave other animals unattended.

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Oh, look, Heathcliff being creeperish. I’m surprised he hasn’t actually eaten them yet.

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Oh.

 

I appreciate how matter-of-fact these fish are as they’re staring certain death in the face. Very courageous. These fish are the true heroes of Westfinster.

Anyway, an unattended fishbowl is nothing, considering that Heathcliff has built high-tech contraptions to take out his enemies or prey.

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I don’t understand a lot about this picture. Especially, the perspective. Why are the bird AND the mouse so large? That’s a huge mousetrap Heathcliff built but it’s nothing compared to this:

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I have no idea what Heathcliff’s end-game is with Robocat. I does, however, raise the issue of Heathcliff starting a drone program. I’m concerned.

Wait…they’re not really in any danger at all. Heathcliff just takes the fish out to play with them? That’s mad creepy, Heathcliff.

crhea130101Heathcliff drinks beer but he can’t figure out how to operate a faucet and get water that doesn’t have fish living in it? Does this cat know how anything inside his own home works?

You need to stop drinking so much, Heathcliff. 


 

 

Never Forget To Do Your Job.

On 9/11/11, we saw the only post 9/11/01 Heathcliff comic that was about the 9/11.

 

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That’s a nice sentiment but the first-responders in Heathcliff aren’t that heroic. They never do anything to stop Heathcliff’s crimes.

 

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Here, Heathcliff is stealing food and the two police officers don’t do anything. They’re just like, “Oh, cool, a cat on a bike.” Westfinster tax dollars at work, folks!  Yes, the town is called Westfinster.

Also, a cat stole a dog from a fire station without anyone noticing or protesting, including the dog. Dogs are dumb and Heathcliff is ridiculous. Never forget.