In Which I Apologize and Then Redeem Myself.

First off, I’d like to issue a correction.

I’ve been referring to Heathcliff’s girlfriend as “Cleo.” Heathcliff’s girlfriend’s name is Sonja. Clio is Riff-Raff’s girlfiend. Riff-Raff is one of the Catillac Cats. I’m sorry if I upset you with my mistakes but at least I’m not Slate. Amirite?

Here’s a picture of Riff-Raff and Cleo in a giant hot air balloon shaped like Riff-Raff’s head.riffraffballoon Ladies, if your man picks you up in a balloon shaped like his head, you best lock that man down.

Next, it has come to my attention that Josh over at The Comics Curmudgeon has linked to this blog. Yay! He has some breaking Heathcliff news that I tweeted about but was too busy watching terrible television to blog about. Check it out!

Earlier today I went to Popeye’s and my grandma gifted me a set of warm pajamas. Then I sat at home and watched television, including the wonderful Kroll Show. I only tell you this because it sets up what an amazing day I was having BEFORE what I write next happened.

On tonight’s Kroll Show, Friend-of-the-Blog and actor Peter Gallagher played a gigolo mentor.

Before the show aired, I’d heard he was going to be a guest on the show but had no idea what he’d be doing. I sent him a tweet about my hopes for his appearance and referencing an earlier exchange about Heathcliff. AND HE REPLIED!
Screenshot - 1_21_2014 , 11_29_12 PM

Anyway, I know you read this blog because of the hard-hitting investigative reporting about Heathcliff that you can’t get at places that shell out for custom domains. I’ve been trying to track down more information about “Non-Actor Peter Gallagher” (that’s what my friends and I call the cartoonist). So far, I’ve located original Heathcliff cartoonist George Gately’s obit. I also spent 2 minutes Googling. Interesting tidbits from the LA Times obit:

Heathcliff, named after the major character in the classic Emily Bronte novel “Wuthering Heights,” was indeed a success. The strip, offering the adventures of the smug fat cat, predated by several years “Garfield,” another strip with a feline star.

Everyone can shut the hell up and eat some lasagna because Heathcliff was first.

“[Heathcliff] had this great idea of himself, his importance,” John Gallagher said. “He would go to get his family tree traced but was also a hellion who had his own bookie.”

Heathcliff is Rob Ford, maybe?

“He would go to cat shows around the country and people would come seeking autographs, not for themselves but for their cats,” John Gallagher said. “So he would sign his name [and] ‘Good Luck, Tabby,’ or ‘Best Wishes, Spike.’ “

Gallagher recalled that one woman asked for a particularly odd inscription.

“Her cat was named Hitler, so somewhere there is an autograph from George Gately reading: ‘Good Luck, Hitler,’ ” Gallagher said.

WHAT IN THE LIVING FUCK?! If someone asks you to sign something for their cat named Hitler, you say “no.” You always say no.

“When you look at the features that have been successful, you notice that they’re usually very simple, and deal with things that people of every circumstance can relate to. . . . I’m very careful to never make the home in my cartoon look too fancy. I’m as interested in having the poorest person relate to Heathcliff as I am the richest person.”

Poor people don’t get new furniture ever day. There is absolutely no consistency in that house. There’s a fridge that moves around the kitchen. Yes, this will be a post. My friend, Pat, gets very upset about the fridge moving around.

Anyway, RIP George Gately.

Advertisements

Important Investigative Reporting.

Today, the Comics Curmudgeon aka Josh Fruhlinger tweeted the following:

Screenshot - 1_5_2014 , 2_01_09 PM

It’s true! I do investigative Heathcliff reporting. For example, I’ve been hoping insisting that Heathcliff was drawn by Peter Gallagher the actor (Covert Affairs, The OC, Step Up 4 Revolution) as some sort of a side hobby. But then those dreams came crashing to the ground at the very end of 2013.

Screenshot - 12_30_2013 , 8_57_38 PM

 

This exchange might have been on of the greatest things to happen to me in 2013. Anyway, little did I know that more tragic Heathcliff news was to follow. My friend Jeremy, who I often tweet about Heathcliff with, sent me a link about Kitty Korner. Kitty Korner is the Sunday-only feature where we learn about a random American’s cat. I’ve recently submitted my cat, Jonathan, and I hope that he can get in. Turns out, Kitty Korner, in the words of Jeremy, “is farmed out.” That’s right, non-actor Peter Gallagher doesn’t even draw Kitty Korner! I can’t with this…

By the way, if you’re looking to submit to Kitty Korner, The Garbage Ape twitter account suggested that you might submit here.

Yes, I’m well aware that so much of what I’ve written here sounds crazy. Because it is. Heathcliff‘s universe is absolutely batshit insane.

Thanks for the shoutout, Josh!

Winter Is Coming.

I don’t know what kind of protection money the butcher is paying Heathcliff but clearly, it’s not enough.

6916c1e0d9ba0130fc3c001dd8b71c47

The cool part about this is that the people of Westfinster have just given up. You own a building with locking doors, you make your livelihood selling meat, there’s a dog catcher. I’m just saying, you could probably stop a tabby cat from destroying your business on the regular if you really tried.

Meanwhile, over at the deli, my friends and I spent an entire day on Facebook trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Seriously. One person is missing from this thread because he quit facebook. Toward the end. Smart move, J2. Smart move, indeed.

31bf0700ba4b0130e3fa001dd8b71c47

J: That cat is unshooable.

P: That dude is always going HAM.

J: Bet that asshole cat shows up at Hallmark stores wearing one that says “CARDS.”

Me: Why do they always let him into their stores? It’s not like there’s a law that says kicking a stealing cat out of a food store is discrimination.

J: Hell, they can even manhandle (cathandle??) him without fear of a lawsuit. He’s a cat. Try filing suit without thumbs, tuna breath!

Me: No one ever puts their foot down. He drives a monster truck. Stop him!

J: Wait, now I’m looking this over again — is he actually wearing a pompadour wig with “HAM” on it?? IS IT A WIG?!? GOD DAMN IT I’M LOSING MY SHIT OVER HERE!!!

B: Someone call the Health Department.

Me: Heath department?

B: Boom!

Me: OMG, I don’t know if it’s a wig or a helmet. I hate you, J!

J: *sobs*

J: (from the mindfuck of this cartoon, not from you hating me)

B: Where’s Angie Jordan when you need her?

W: What’s not to get? Ham Hat!

Me:


J: New ringtone!

B2: This is my fault, isn’t it?

Me: Kind of. I don’t think we were fb friends when I went on the insane Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane cover posting spree. Or the Richie Rich spree.

Me: So many questions about this simple cartoon. Or, if you say “ham”, is Heathcliff going to show off. Because he’s a ham. SO MANY QUESTIONS?!

Me: Wait, is he on Team Ham and he has the helmet because if you try to take the ham, he will tackle you?

Me: Yay! We may have solved the mystery! Maybe.

Me: But why is that butcher shop letting a cat intimidate customers?

Me: I was right! http://joshreads.com/?p=18343

I still don’t know what’s up with the butcher letting a cat in a helmet intimidate customers. He’s wearing a helmet, that actually gives you an advantage as a human if you want to fight a cat. Stop enabling him, people.