Stray Observations.

I tend to post way more about Heathcliff on Facebook than on this blog. Why? Because my blog posts are way more indepth and often I’m not feeling it.

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Today’s post will be a series of stray observations. Because I’m not feeling it today.

On Captions.

My friend Pat S. insists that, even better than re-captioning every Heathcliff comic with the traditional, “Christ, what an asshole,” Heathcliff could be re-captioned with the falsely-attributed Gucci Mane line, “Bitch, I might be.” This only works part of the time.

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Meanwhile, Comics Curmudgeon says that the new “Christ, what an asshole” is “I’m thinking of unfriending him on facebook.”

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Bitch, it might be any of these.

On Crumbs.

Heathcliff is always harassing the urban wild-life. A while back, he dressed up as a giant crumb in order to lure birds. It didn’t work.
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Birds do some stupid stuff but there’s no way any bird thought that Heathcliff was a giant crumb. Anyway, given that Heathcliff is always trying to attack them, you’d think that birds would be leery of  Heathcliff. You’d be wrong.

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Does this not scream “TRAP!!!!”? I have a few other questions:

  1. What was the crumb baker’s original idea that Heathcliff shot down? It was worse than a store that caters to ducks and sells crumbs?
  2. Why wouldn’t you just sell baked goods to people AND crumbs to ducks?
  3. How does Westfinster have an economy considering they cater to animals?
  4. How isn’t this a trap?

On Prison Pose.

I’m really annoyed by Heathcliff on all fours. It makes no sense. He has fat back legs and skinny arms. He can’t walk on all fours like a normal cat and when he crouches down, it should look more like a “prison pose“. And, given Heathcliff’s background and criminal tendencies, that makes WAY more sense.

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Here’s Heathcliff incorrectly crouching down on all fours. No, I don’t know why he has a white beard.

And here is Heathcliff incorrectly walking on all fours.

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On This Week.

This week Heathcliff has been insane.

Yesterday, we found Heathcliff kickin’ it in front of a fire place with a cupcake. 
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No idea what was going on here but I have a few guesses:

  1. Heathcliff, the Emperor of Cake, is pondering what to conquer next.
  2. Heathcliff, told by his vet that he is a a cat and could die from eating cake, is pondering if he should eat the cupcake or throw himself into the fire.
  3. Heathcliff is drunk.

What’s weird about this situation is that the Nutmegs think that this is something poignant and not at all weird. Your cat that you treat like a person is treating a cupcake like a person. Everyone in Westfinster is batshit insane. Westfinster is the county seat of Batshit Crazy County.

Then today, Heathcliff kept the crazy train going.

crhea131217More questions/comments.

  1. Is Heathcliff wearing pants? The colorist appears to have messed up again. You might remember the recent pants debacle. But why would he be wearing pants?
  2. Where is Heathcliff zip-lining from?
  3. As someone pointed out on Facebook: why isn’t the zip-line going out the window? Heathcliff is just going to fly into the wall.
  4. Also from facebook: “Petted” isn’t a word.
  5. Why are there two cables?
  6. Facebook, again: Grandma is going to get decapitated.
  7. Why doesn’t Heathcliff just walk in the door?
  8. Who let him build that and why?
  9. adsfas;lhdsaf;jhsafd;kjhadsfjkhsafdh;j
  10. The Nutmeg’s house is the Tardis. It looks tiny on the outside but on the insane it’s massive. What’s up with that? You know what, if Heathcliff is part of the Dr. Who universe that would explain a lot. Bitch, he might be.
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The Deepest Conversation About Sandwiches I’ve Ever Read.

Sometimes, I have absolutely no idea what a Heathcliff comic is about and I’ll just throw it to my facebook friends. Often, whenever I do this, the results are remarkable. Yesterday’s Heathcliff was no exception.

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I posted the comic and wrote, “WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN?” and this was the resulting thread:

Bill: Heathcliff represents the inner city working class and the sandwich represents how the “white flight” to the suburbs was destroying the urban economy and ultimately taking food out of his mouth.

Bill: Heathcliff’s actually pretty heady when you look at it from just the right angle.

Brandi: So is the man who prefers “Whole Wheat” saying, “I prefer staying in the inner city and gentrifying it.”? Also, why does Heathcliff work in construction?

Bill: Because he’s an avatar of the working poor. That’s why the other worker has a hardhat and Heathcliff doesn’t. It’s to show how he has no protection from the economic forces that harm him.

Brandi: Damn, son. That’s deep. Heathcliff is a black man. 

James: I think I know what the actual joke is here, but it’s gonna be a let down after the gold I just read.

James: Alright, screw it. You see, ladies and germs… what we have here is a classic bait-and-switch. Our blue-collar friend there is picking at his bourgeois ham on wheat, while Heathcliff – get this – HEATHCLIFF is eating a freaking BIRD SANDWICH. Now the reaction we’d expect from the construction worker would be, “Holy shitballs, that’s a bird sandwich. No thank you, my good man. I prefer processed, shaved ham to a raw (living) bird.” But no, that would be low-hanging fruit. Instead, he’s all like, “What if instead, I mention the BREAD? Mofo will never see it coming. Because again, this cat probably expects me to talk about the bird. This’ll be rich! Here I go!” That’s right, Heathcliff just took us comics to CHURCH.

James: I also prefer to look at this panel and imagine that Heathcliff is not looking nose-up at the errant lunch, but rather dead-on at the reader, with one giant cataract eye – dead center at the top of his head.

Brandi: Damn. I’d pay for Bill & James’ Heathcliff Comedy Bootcamp.

I was already crying after reading Bill and James’ Heathcliff analysis but then Pat realizes that Camus is really the only person who can truly explain Heathcliff. Note: there probably needs to be a “Camus, For Why?” Blog.

Pat: I’m just gonna start pasting literary analyses from Albert Camus’s “The Stranger” but I will replace the main character, Mersault, with Heathcliff.

Pat: “The ideals of existentialism seem to be embedded heavily in this scene as Heathcliff harshly denies his belonging to the group of humanity and insists on being his own person. Any time he is forced by society to identify, interact, or express basic human emotions and behavior, he views it as a form of punishment that stifles his individual desires.”

Pat: “Heathcliff is a detached figure who views and describes much of what occurs around him from a removed position. He is emotionally indifferent to others, even to his mother and his lover.”

Alvin: I feel the theme song is a cry for help.

Brandi: There was the episode where Heathcliff tried to make his mom believe he was adopted by a rich family. He also drove his dad to rob a bank to go back to prison to get away from him. Also: Richie Incognito is scared of Heathcliff.

Pat: Heathcliff’s ultimate vindication is in having remained true to himself and to his feelings in a society that cultivates deception and hypocrisy.”

Brandi: Also: HE REALLY LIKES CAKE!

Pat: “Heathcliff is a troubled soul trying to find happiness in an indifferent world. His attitude should inspire no admiration, and certainly is not to be imitated. He is a quasi-antihero. Where typical heroes devote their entire lives to a cause, Heathcliff has no faith in any cause, and indeed recognizes no meaning. Despite his tenacity for living in the present moment, Heathcliff is blind to the fact that every choice he makes is made with his knowing that no matter what choice is made, he will ultimately die.”

Will: Wow. I see “whole wheat is heavier and healthier than white bread.”

Brandi: That makes sense too. This comic requires even more teamwork than the ham helmet one. By the way, Heathcliff also has a gravy helmet.

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Get Your Own Damn Dinner.

Heathcliff loves to eat. In fact, he loves ham so much that he somehow acquired Team Ham gear. Heathcliff is savvy enough to steal food and to hoist a flag proclaiming his (bullshit) love of cake yet, somehow, he can’t open the fridge to get food in his own house.

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Heathcliff is a jerk. Also, why do Grandma and Grandpa even bother feeding Heathcliff regular cat food. He hates it and he keeps making it known.

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I assume they’ve already stolen and eaten dinner during one of their father/son crime sprees.

Also, you have Heathcliff and Pops living on your house, you really shouldn’t leave other animals unattended.

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Oh, look, Heathcliff being creeperish. I’m surprised he hasn’t actually eaten them yet.

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Oh.

 

I appreciate how matter-of-fact these fish are as they’re staring certain death in the face. Very courageous. These fish are the true heroes of Westfinster.

Anyway, an unattended fishbowl is nothing, considering that Heathcliff has built high-tech contraptions to take out his enemies or prey.

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I don’t understand a lot about this picture. Especially, the perspective. Why are the bird AND the mouse so large? That’s a huge mousetrap Heathcliff built but it’s nothing compared to this:

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I have no idea what Heathcliff’s end-game is with Robocat. I does, however, raise the issue of Heathcliff starting a drone program. I’m concerned.

Wait…they’re not really in any danger at all. Heathcliff just takes the fish out to play with them? That’s mad creepy, Heathcliff.

crhea130101Heathcliff drinks beer but he can’t figure out how to operate a faucet and get water that doesn’t have fish living in it? Does this cat know how anything inside his own home works?

You need to stop drinking so much, Heathcliff. 


 

 

Orange You Glad I Did Wear A Banana.

Normally, Heathcliff wears costumes that serve a purpose.

193e2c605e7e012ee3bf00163e41dd5bCatching dogs….

 

 

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Catching mice…

But, here, he’s wearing a banana costume to his therapist. Yes, he has a therapist yet somehow he still does all sorts of asshole things. crhea071101

Who’s paying this dude? This man went to college and grad school (or took some online classes) and now he’s stuck being a therapist for wayward cats. Livin’ the dream, man. Still, this dude isn’t the only man in the cat counseling game.

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I believe I see several problems. First off, this counselor is an idiot. He’s dealing with cats. Cats are always falling asleep on couches. If you see a cat just chillin’ on a couch not sleeping, it probably just woke up or is planning to go to sleep shortly. Do you know how much Heathcliff does in a day? A lot. Of course he’s sleeping. Good grief, Clio, lay off.

Anyway, you’re probably wondering why Heathcliff would wear a giant banana costume. I don’t know but I suspect it has something to do with the Garbage Ape.

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The Garbage Ape is an ape who shows up at night and just trashes the streets of Westfinster. He just delivers cans of trash to the feral/outdoor cats around town. Basically, he’s Heathcliff’s dealer. I think he’s pretend but, honestly, who knows what’s real any more. I sure don’t.

Also, note the birds explaining why Heathcliff loves the really weird thing he’s doing. More enabling.