First we learned about the HAM helmet.
Then we learned about the GRAVY helmet.
You won’t believe what helmet there is now, folks!
“Is it turkey or chicken wings?” – My mom
No, mom, don’t be stupid.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right, chicken wings wouldn’t fit on the helmet…It’s just words? There isn’t a logo. That’s so stupid!” – My mom again
The newest Heathcliff helmet is….
THE KALE HELMET!
Look, I don’t know which angel investor is funding Heathcliff’s bullshit businesses but he or she needs to stop. This is a stupid business model for so many reasons. How many adults can fit their heads into a helmet made for a giant cat? How many cats have money? How many of the kids in town (who happen to be the same size as Heathcliff) want a kale helmet? And why does Heathcliff like kale? He doesn’t. He robs butchers and fish mongers. He sells beef cider. Kale? Oh kaaaale no!
And Non-Actor Peter Gallagher, a New Jersey resident, actually tried passing off kale helmets during Super Bowl week? Seriously, dude? Not cool.
But can I be honest with you guys for a second? If I saw a cat selling helmets on the corner, I’d probably buy one. That’s hilarious.
Anyway, I can’t wait to see what helmet will be added to the canon next!
Next up, at some point, will be the cat-machine canon.